Broken, Not Bested
by Her Madjesty
Summary: Emotions are tricky things. Sometimes you can feel like you're flying. Other times, it's like you're dying, being consumed from the inside out. Post-Jolly Roger, there is a fire in the Captain that he swears will destroy him completely that can only be controlled by something he never expected to find.


_A/N Because I am dealing from feels from last night's episode of OUAT, I figured I'd write something real quickly to help myself try and cope. Hope you enjoy it! Characters not mine, because if they were...I just...UGH._

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His right hand was shivering. The night was shimmering and shaking with residual magic and stars, but he was blind to it all. His feet betrayed him as he stumbled down the road, inky blackness spreading out before him like the ocean the night he buried Milah.

Something had taken hold of his heart, and it was shaking him from the inside out. Everything was spinning and nothing made any sense. It was as though every emotion he had ever felt was now creating a storm inside his chest, and the sheer force of it all made him sick.

He was convinced that he was burning from the inside out, because he could taste the ash in his mouth.

An alley wall braced him as he stumbled into it, and his breathes were deep and fast and painful. Time and other hurts had lashed the man together into some form of being, but now, all was threatening to come undone.

The moment snapped. Without another thought, Killian was on his knees, blinded not by the night, but by tears and the pain of his heart breaking in two.

The night is filled with the sounds of one man dying of a broken heart.

His words were his greatest defense. They had called him Silvertongue, long before he had abandon all civility and taken to the seas. Those men would be in shock to see him now. Words fail him, and his voice was choked by his own thoughts. It was if that horrendous witch has placed her hand around his throat and was squeezing as tightly as she could, making it harder and harder to draw a breath.

He had not returned to the docks, after abandoning the Charmings. If he were to go there, he feared he would throw himself into the water just to escape his misery.

He looked up into the unfamiliar sky, and saw the great big moon staring back at him. Its smile was far too mocking for his liking, and the pirate shook his fist at it before bowing his head back to his chest. The wall absorbed him in a moment of compassion, and he curled his knees beneath him, running his hand through his hair.

"She'd never have loved you, anyway." He whispered, driven on by the voices in his head. "It's always disdain, whenever she looks at you. She'd never have loved you. She'd never have loved you back!" With a shout, he slammed his hand into the wall.

"There was no hope anyway, lad." He murmured, voice shaking. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he noted that his hand is bleeding.

He wanted nothing more than for this night to end, to wake up in Neverland to discover everything was an elaborate, terrible dream.

"I never should have come." He whispered to himself, submitting to the darkness eating at his soul.

In his self-loathing, he missed the sounds of footsteps walking down the alley.

"Killian?" it was the boy, Henry. Killian looked up and tried to hide his tears, but he couldn't. The boy had already seen, and he was down on his knees, staring at the man with a look of concern on his face.

"Are you alright?" Henry asked, looking at a loss for what to do.

"Not really, lad." Killian grunted, trying to clean himself up. "It's not been the best of nights."

"Is that why you didn't come to dinner with us?" The boy was perceptive, far too much like his mother.

"Aye." The pirate replied. "I'm sorry, lad. I just couldn't do it."

There was an unbroken silence between the two of them, and Killian was sure to keep the place where his left hand should be out of sight.

"Mom really missed you tonight." Henry said thoughtfully, before shuffling over to the pirate's right side and sitting down next to him. "She and the mayor seemed to be getting along, but she kept looking at the door, like she expected someone to walk in."

"Your mother informed me that I could join you whenever I liked." The pirate told him softly. "But given the nature of my night, lad, I thought it best not to burden you."

"She'd listen to you." Henry replied, staring up at the stars. Killian followed his gaze, finally able to see them once more. "She likes you a lot, I think. I like you, too." The boy offered him a wry grin. "You're way cooler than David and Mary Margret."

"Don't let them hear that." Killian managed a short laugh. "They'd have my head."

"Mom would stop them." The boy chuckled. "She looks out for the people she cares about."

"Aye." Killian murmured. "I know that well. Your mother got me out of a tight spot or two. Also put me into some."

Henry looked up at him, curiously, and laughed. "Mom's good at that." He said fondly. "Could you tell me about it? How do you know her?"

Killian's eye widened, and he glanced back up at the stars, cursing himself in his mind. "Perhaps some other time, lad." He shrugged. "Maybe have your mother tell you. I assure you, her version of the story is far different from mine."

The lad followed his gaze, still managing to grin. "Deal. I'll ask her, and as soon as I do, you have to tell me."

"I never agreed to that, lad." The pirate chuckled. "But if you can get it out of her, well, I just might have to, in order to defend my honor."

Henry snorted and shuffled beside the man. "Sounds like a plan." He said firmly, holding out his hand.

Killian glanced at it, nervously, before shaking with his right hand. "Deal." He said fondly. "Now, tell me. What are you doing out here and away from your family?"

"I told them I was going to the bathroom." Henry shrugged. "It was a lot of adult talk, and I was bored."

"Your mother will be furious when she finds out you've left." Hook said softly. "Perhaps you should return?"

"I really don't want to." Henry muttered, coming to his feet. "But you are right. Promise you won't tell?"

"You have my word." The pirate replied, watching as the boy started to shuffle down the alley.

Henry looked back over his shoulder at the man, still sitting on the ground. "I hope your night gets better, Killian." He said. "But if you come with me, Mom might let us get some hot chocolate. That always makes me feel better."

A dull ache thudded in Killian's chest, but he managed a small smile all the same. "Well, perhaps, if that lady is buying." He winked, carefully coming to his feet. "But it may be best for me to return home, instead."

"Aren't you staying at Granny's?" Henry asked, trotting back to walk beside Killian.

"Aye." The pirate replied. "So perhaps I will see your mother and her friends despite myself."

"At least say hi." Henry pleaded. "I'll say I ran into you, or something!"

"What, in the loo?" Killian asked dryly. The boy ducked his head awkwardly. Killian rolled his eyes affectionately and dropped his voice to a whisper.

"Here's the plan." He said, as Henry leaned his head in. "You go in and head back to your mates, and then I'll come in a few moments later. No one will expect a thing. I suppose you came out the back, or something?"

"Ruby let me out." Henry whispered in reply, eyes glowing happily. "Sounds like a good idea!" The boy started to run ahead, leaving the pirate trailing a few feet behind.

"I'll see you soon, Killian!" He called, disappearing into the dark.

The ache was still there in Killian's chest, but he chose to ignore it. The voices in his head were quieter, and though he knew he still looked a mess, well, he was still a handsome devil.

He would have to see Swan eventually, he knew. It would do him no harm to see her. He was man enough to weather a little pain.

The worst pain would come from letting her go, and that was a far time off.


End file.
